the fizzy bean

lemon

I am officially obsessed with Lemonade

yep

lemonade

Something I have never really been a fan of, until now.

Little Bean has me gulping down lemonade whenever I get the chance, and I am seriously loving it.

 

Maccas drive thru – lemonade

Out for lunch – lemonade

Shopping at Coles – lemonade

Thirsty? – Lemonade!

 

When life gives you babies, you make lemonade 😉

the clumsy bean

wombat

I have the agility and dexterity of a wombat.

I am knocking everything over, dropping things, walking into obvious items (like walls), fumbling and bumbling and making a mess of everything.

This morning I spilt the sugar all over the counter . . . for the third time this week.

Please tell me this won’t last forever, I’m not sure I (or everyone around me) can cope for too much longer with these butter fingers.

the cheeto bean

cheese puffs

I have never been good with fake tan, in allllll of its forms.

Being this white is something I have learnt to love, because trying to change it never ends well.

Sun baking – I don’t enjoy it really, something about purposely laying in direct sunlight turning over every couple of minutes, like a pig on a spit stuffed into an unflattering bikini. Then to end up looking like a bright red Frankfurt sausage and having to endure a pain like no other and wishing you could be utterly naked for the next week.

Spray tans – Something I have tried a couple of times in my life, mainly (and stupidly) for a major event, such as my school formal . . . not ideal. I came out looking like some OTT creature from Geordie Shore, all patchy and smelling revolting.

Now, it has been an awful long time since school formal shenanigans, and with Hayley’s wedding approaching I agreed to give spray tans another go. I had been assured that the whole process has developed and changed over the years and that I wouldn’t have a problem. So there I stood, naked in all my chubby glory, being artfully sprayed from top to toe.

In all honesty, it wasn’t all that bad. Yes I was a little on the orange side of life, but I was even and I didn’t smell THAT bad (okay, it was a bit on the nose, but hey, I’ve smelt worse).

Until I looked at my belly button . . .

Im not a fan of belly buttons at the best of times, but now mine was glowing like a little orange target in the centre of my bump.

It looked like I had been stuffing Cheetos in there to save for later!

Lets just say that sticking my fingers in there to attempt to get the orange off was not enjoyable, like not at all.

I won’t be doing this for the wedding, Im happy to be pale, me and my white little belly button.

the toasted bean

toast

FOOD AVERSION ALERT!!

Burnt toast – Absolutely revolting

I’ve never been one to enjoy the smell of burnt toast, in all honesty I am a proud member of the ‘lightly warmed’ bread club (along with other breakfast favourites such as runny eggs, just cooked bacon and lathering everything in butter).

Dad, on the other hand, always manages to burn his toast.

Like annihilate it.

Send it to the depths of hell kinda burnt.

The amusing part is, I don’t actually think he enjoys it that way, he is just plain rubbish at the whole timing your toast malarky (poor bugger).

Lately the daily assault of dad’s scorched toast has been having a rather unpleasant affect, the kind where I want to die. It seeps through the whole house like a creepy unwelcome guest, getting his grimy little hands on everything.

I have been extremely lucky throughout my pregnancy, I have had NO morning sickness, and I have managed to keep my stomach contents IN so far. But let me tell you now, the smell of burnt toast has been a sure contender on the vomit scale.

Definitely NOT a fan, burnt toast can go and jump!

the spoilt bean

presents

Today Mum and I collected all of the main furniture for the nursery. Mannnn . . . is my little Bean lucky!

Squishing and squeezing all of those boxes into our cars was a special moment, one step closer to being a mummy and one step closer to my baby Bean.

Bit of a wake-up call really, 16 weeks down, 24 to go!

eeeeeeek

the un-australian bean

vege

Today my little Bean has shocked me . . . we suddenly do not like Vegemite.

I mean, it was all very well and good during the munching process. Fast forward an hour later and this mama was NOT feeling okay. Vegemite on toast officially ruined my whole day.

Looks like we won’t be very Australian for the remainder of the pregnancy.

Oh well, at least we still like ice cream 😉

the slip & slide bean

caution

It has been raining the past few days, like a lot.

Rain = Water

Water + lawn = Mud

Yep, you guessed it. This pregnant wombat managed to slip on her ass down a muddy bank. (It is safe to laugh, no babies were hurt in the embarrassment of this idiot)

Went out the backyard to take a look at the new progress on dad’s granny flat and on the way back (whilst Hayley was in mid-breath warning me that the grass was slippery) I managed to make a very speedy and muddy decent down the hill.

The look on her face was one of utter horror and panic.

The look on my face was one of overwhelming shame.

The mud all over my ass was my trophy for sheer stupidity.

Once the initial shock passed and I peeled myself off the floor, we both almost wet ourselves in laughter . . .  which lasted several hours, minimum.

Note to self . . . be more careful in future, oh and slipping in mud legit makes you look like you’ve savagely shat yourself, best to avoid the whole scenario really.

Goodo

the popcorn bean

popcorn 2

BEAN KICKED TODAY!!

Yep, you betcha!

Hayley and I were having a Netflix session and little Bean wanted some attention. Next minute, a little barrage of popcorn kicks right into Hayley’s hand!

BAM, take that ladies 😀

To say we were excited would be an understatement, thanks Bean, you made our day xx

the oily bean

bio oil

In the eternal fight against stretch marks I have been religiously rubbing my tum down with the absolutely magical Bio Oil (my absolute favourite).

In the past I have been far too lazy to try and prevent the odd stretch mark and have simply worn my tiger stripes with pride. However, after seeing some absolutely shocking pictures of pregnancy stripes from hell I have certainly been scared straight. For me, its Bio Oil alllllll the way.

Apparently, Bean agrees! Whenever bedtime rolls around and I begin buffing my baby bump little Bean likes to have a little dance. The first time this happened I wasn’t sure if I was imagining things (or truth be told I thought my fat was just doing a little Mexican wave in celebration, eeeek).

In excitement I took my trusty oil over to Hayley’s place and we laid there on her couch, my belly out, all pale and shiny . . . This would have been an interesting explanation should anyone have walked in, haha.

Sure enough, little Bean did a dance for Aunty Hayley 🙂

Now I can’t visit anyone without walking in to see a bottle of Bio Oil on the coffee table . . .  at least I will be stretch mark free 😉

the “you shall not pass” bean

constipation memories 2

Ladies . . . we don’t talk about poo, in fact we even like to pretend we don’t do such things at all.

Discussing poo is such an odd subject we have come up with the most ridiculous ways to reference it . . . Doing a dookie, dropping the kids off at the pool, baiting the trap, backing the bus out the garage, baking brownies, becoming the porcelain assassin, bomb the bowl, blowing the butt trumpet, building a log cabin, butt gherkins, charm an upside down brown snake, chocolate rain, chopping a log, code brown, curl one down, dirty squirties, the royal squat, doodie, drop a biggie smalls, drop a bomb, a nuke, a stink pickle, free a bog crocodile, full moon over troubled waters, pinch a grumpy, releasing the kraken, slide one out, visiting the throne . . . the list goes on, apparently if it is suddenly humorous, it is okay to talk about.

Why is she bringing this up you ask?

Mamma wants to poo and Bean won’t allow it – THATS WHY, and I’m freaking beside myself!

Im sorry if this post makes some people a little uncomfortable, but lets be honest here, pregnancy isn’t all sunshine and baby booties and belly rubs. At present its a world of prune juice and counting bathroom tiles.

I guess now would be a good time to download Candy Crush and get comfortable.

If you see me smiling, I have finally managed to release some chocolate hostages 😉

 

(oh god, I just can’t do it . . .  I poop rainbows, I swear!)